Leak of Villa Chairman’s ‘Extensive Review’ Suggests Rémi Garde Not to Blame for Relegation

[Lerner] is like a headteacher of a really naughty school, who never comes to tell the kids off”

There’s been much debate about where the blame lies for Aston Villa’s upcoming drop into the Championship, and new Aston Villa chairman Steve Hollis was determined to get to the bottom of the blame game, through his much-mooted ‘extensive review’ of the club.

MOMS has been lucky enough to receive a leak of the summation of the results from an independent panel allegedly commissioned by the Villa chairman. This panel, we are led to believe, was the first stage of Hollis’s ‘extensive review’.

Apparently, the panel was commissioned to debate and analysis the situation at Villa Park and get to the bottom of Villa’s woe by focusing on four core influence groups at the club:

    1. The inexperienced manager
    1. The inexperienced board
    1. A disinterested chairman
  1. The demotivated players

The panel were presented with ‘for’ and ‘against’ arguments for each of the four influences and also videos of Aston Villa supporters expressing their views on each.

“Everyone agreed that Garde was not too blame,” said the informer to MOMS. “The board got away with a lot of the blame because they apparently ‘tried their best'”.

The panel was undertaken before Aston Villa’s financial results were announced, so the panel were not privy to Tom Fox’s wage (reported to be £1.25m), which may have swayed their leniency towards the ex-Villa CEO.

The panel certainly thought the players should shoulder more of the blame for Villa’s poor results.

“The majority of the panel insisted the players should be trying harder,” said the informer, who also provided the following photo of the first part of Hollis’s ‘extensive review’.

teaching aston villa at school relegated

MOMS was surprised to learn after questioning our informer about the location of the photograph, that the panel was made up of a classroom of nine and ten-year-olds and the informer was indeed the class teacher.

The teacher, who also happens to be a big Villa fan, asked MOMS to keep his identity secret for fear of reprisals from Ofsted (Office for Standards in Education).

“As most people are aware, the government’s lack of funding for schools in the Birmingham area is becoming a real concern,” said the teacher. “To the extent, we have had to come up with ways of diversifying our classroom activity to provide the school with an additional revenue stream.”

The teacher says the school was delighted when the Villa chairman got in touch asking them to be part of his ‘extensive review of the club’, after seeing the school’s ad on Gumtree offering their marketing research services.

“Apparently, the £1.25m fee for our services was the reason the club had to remove Tom Fox, so they could afford to pay us,” added the teacher.

As to the classes’ conclusion as to the main reason behind Villa’s failings, all the little fingers pointed to the club’s owner Randy Lerner.

“First of all, the class said, Lerner should have spent his money wiser,” recalls the teacher.

After it was pointed out that it was the board who were largely responsible for Villa’s spending outlay, it didn’t deter the class from maintaining it was still largely Lerner’s fault.

“The consensus was Lerner should come to watch more matches and shout at the players in the changing room and punish players by stopping wages!

“One of children said, “[Lerner] is like a headteacher of a really naughty school, who never comes to tell the kids off.”

When asked if Hollis had contacted him to get his class involved in the search for a new Villa manager, if/when Rémi Garde leaves Villa, the teacher coyly replied, “no comment.”


A Venglos View is a satirical (and sometimes surreal) look at the Villa.

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