Gabby Agbonlahor’s Alternative Farewell Speech

Gabby’s Farewell

Were you underwhelmed by Gabby Agbonlahor’s short Villa Park on-pitch farewell speech (in the opening credits) to Aston Villa supporters after the last regular home game of the season? After all, the Villa striker had been with the club for knocking on 17 years.

If you still feel short-changed by a lack of sentiment, here’s the alternative Winston Churchill style, heartfelt and inspiring speech, we wish Gabby had delivered to the Villa Park faithful (aka House of Villans). It’s very much in the spirit of MOM’s A Venglos View column, if you’re familiar with that.

The sketch originally appeared at the end of Episode 44 of the My Old Man Said podcast, so just in case you didn’t have the stamina to make it that far, we thought we’d give you a chance again to hear it as a mini bonus podcast (less than five minutes).

Listen to Gabby’s Speech…

Gabby Agbonlahor’s Alternative Farewell Speech Script

Order, order, the right honourable gentleman, representing the rotten borough of Aston, Mr Gabriel Agbonlahor.

Mr Speaker, when I stood before the Holte End, 17 years ago*, I asked the club to fix this afternoon as the occasion for a statement.

My time here draws to a close.  The might of my Empire, so highly regarded, once so promising, can no longer be depended upon.

It’s my unfortunate duty to report that my career was curtailed.  Partly through my own misadventure. Partly through the merciless, relentless and indeed, overpowering advances of our enemies.  

Milner, Young, Downing, Benteke and Admiral Gareth Barry were lost in ceaseless barrage from those whom wished to stake their claim to rule the Premier League*.  

Indeed, we were also victims of treachery from Fabian Delph. And further, subjected to crass incompetency through Tonev, Westwood, Makoun, Bradley et al.

Mr Speaker, my blistering pace, once unopposed, has faded.

The ability to strike with precision and free will, at the heart of defences, has long since been nullified.

Mr Speaker, it’s my duty to report that whilst great promise lay at my disposal, hindsight affords me to consider that my career will be recalled as one of unfulfilled promise.

But amongst the darkness, there remains light. Though recent decline should not be overlooked, nor should valiant victories or marked improvements be readily dismissed.  

Captain Terry, highly decorated and experienced in the field, does much to restore faith in a battalion scared with memories of Lescott, Richards, Senderos, Baker and Vlaar.  

The future, whilst far from secure, must surely, be brighter, at the very least, we have intent on our side.

And so it is sir, that derby days will forever be etched in immovable history.  Birmingham City, a realisation of Tolkien’s Mordor, remains a conquered, beleaguered enemy, for whom I have repeatedly and dutifully put to the sword.  For this, Mr Speaker, I am perhaps best to be remembered.

What we must not do is look backwards, into an ignominious and starving captivity, confined to the Championship.

Our destiny lies upwards, where we belong, but alas, without me.  

(* Update from the audio version)

Credits & Thanks

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D & D

Gabby’s Alternative Farewell Speech features:

David Michael – @oldmansaid 

Dan Rodgers – @avfc_vilr

My Old Man Said –

Villa Underground –

Written and performed by Dan Rodgers

Produced by David Michael

Thanks to Adam aka socialgraphic for the ‘Gabby Churchill’ podcast cover art, follow him on Instagram here