Being Stiliyan Petrov
Greater Manchester Police (GMP) have warned the inhabitants of Wigan and all supporters going to the final match of the season between Wigan Athletic and Aston Villa, to not be too alarmed if they hear stories of Stiliyan Petrov drinking twice his weight in beer, going around singing songs about God and glowing in the dark, and also seriously winding up Wigan fans about their potential relegation.
In a statement issued today, a spokesman for the GMP stated:
‘There is a simple explanation behind the anticipated behavior to come from Mr Petrov – it’s not actually him. Rather, it’s 3000 of his good friends, all traveling Aston Villa fans. Wigan locals should not be alarmed, as the Villa supporters will be wearing Petrov masks to honour and celebrate Stiliyan’s career and contribution to Aston Villa Football Club.
‘Police Constables have been instructed to only take action against visiting Aston Villa supporters, if they use the Petrov masks to rob any of the banks on Wigan’s main high street or hold up any liquor stores.’
The masks supplied by mask-arade.com are all part of the ‘Petrov Day’ tribute, which was chosen as the theme for the traditional final away day of the season celebration. They’ll also be Bulgarian flags, balloons, number 19’s, fancy dress and Support Stan T-shirts.
With the masks, there’s no doubt things will get a little bit like the film ‘Being John Malkovich’ in Wigan town centre and at the DW Stadium.
Speaking of ‘Being John Malkovich’, it’s a little known fact that the actor John Malkovich is actually a massive Aston Villa fan.
In fact, his passion for the claret and blue completely dwarves acting peer Tom Hank’s larry-come-lately support of the Pride of the Midlands.
Malkovich is often found talking up the Villa in interviews for his latest films, always giving special mention to his favourite Villa player, Stephen Ireland.
“I relate to Ireland, because he too is a great actor,” Malkovich told GQ magazine.
“Nobody in the game is as good as him at pretending to be a talented attacking midfielder”.
Everyone at MOMS (and John Malkovich) wishes Stiliyan Petrov, who always has a good sense of humour and smile, the very best in the future and we would like to offer a big thank you to him for his services to the club. You’ll always be a Villan. UTV
*A Venglos View is a satirical (and sometimes surreal) look at Villa.
******UPDATE – Petrov comments on masks*******
“I have seen the masks. They look nothing like me at the moment!
“It’s really funny. It will be funny and weird to see my face on 4,000 other people.
“I will really enjoy it. It will be even more enjoyable because we’re safe now. The fans will go and enjoy it and I’m sure I will too.” – Stiliyan Petrov
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